My Fucking Mind

There were times that I finally realised,
these years I called as golden moment,
I have wasted chasing something
that in the end make me loosing my pearl,
the one that I actually in love with the most.

Even if then destiny brought us back
together...
I know all won't be the same
I don't have enough courage
to admit everything
or..
to look at her right in the eye

I know..
I don't deserve her...
not even her time...
So, I am doing again what I did before
Lying..
Lying to myself
that I don't need anybody
that I don't need anyone

But she knows...
she is the only one
that knows me better than anyone
even when I lie..
she knows...
she just keeps silent..
because for her I am no one
I am just a best friend
A man she gets used to care about..

Once..
those facts made me angry..
so I threw myself to many women..
I said many things to make them happy..
and when they were in the sky..
I pushed them down...
and left them all..
die bleeding..

and I am happy..
never ask me who I am..
I am who I am.